While listening to a podcast from Steven Furtick last week, a moment of inspiration and conviction came over me to share some thoughts with you. An honest confession of my (costuming) life in the last few months.
Most of my readers think of me researching Victorian fashions and prancing around the house in bustle dresses all day.
The reality is that I work a day job during the week to provide a living for my family. I have one career from 8 to 5 and a website business to keep track of in the evenings. To say I lounge around making pretty things and eating cucumber sandwiches would not be honest. (But it’s a lovely thought!)
I don’t wear Victorian clothes on a regular basis. In fact, it’s really only a handful of times a year. But I LOVE to make them. So I press on.
I have journals filled with ideas on what to write about but most weeks find it very hard to write about anything. So the thoughts sit and blog articles and social media posts stay hidden from the world.
I want to be there for you, and to help you learn about costuming and sewing and how to make your impression better and how to bring the past into your life. But sometimes… the idea well is dry.
And there’s no inspiration…
And I don’t even want to look at my sewing room or even another pattern.
Then there’s some days that I start looking at a pattern or pull out a book or open my box of embroidery thread and the inspiration is overwhelming. Then I have this sense of hope and a force that makes me want to Sew.All.The.Things! (You know that feeling.)
But the checkbook has to be updated and the mortgage paid that night. The coupon code for the next sale needs to be created and inputted.
Then I find myself at 9:30 at night frustrated that I didn’t even get 1/2 hour of time to “play” with my sewing. (And sometimes play just means thumbing through Nineteenth Century Fashion in Detail or surfing through costuming blogs.)
After just about 7 years online doing a blog and running two online businesses I’m tired. I think it’s called burnout.
It’s also true that you can’t constantly pour into others and offer help without your own cup being filled.
I think that’s why my Costume College this year (2014) was less than stellar (sorry to all whose experience was otherwise but it’s still my number one event of each year). I’ve been giving of my time and energy to sewing & costuming but not getting refreshed. I don’t know if you’re like that too, but I can’t tell you the number of times I say “I wish I had more time to sew.” I can’t hide behind any mask that may have been placed on me with the vision that wearing tea gowns and doing dishes in an embroidered apron is normal or that I host numerous teas and dine by candlelight. (How darling that sounds!)
So in being honest, I live in a place that has the worst air quality in the U.S. I work a 40 hour/week desk job (most of which I do really enjoy!). My husband hasn’t worked a full or even part-time job in three years and I have weeds all over the back yard.
But despite all this I have HOPE. I have JOY. I am blessed.
I dream of a simpler time. Not that the 19th century was simpler because it wasn’t. It was only different than what we experience today.
Despite what others say I DO look at the past with rosy lenses.
I want all the good parts of the past to become part of my world. I DO want to host teas and wear hats. But the bed needs to be made, the bills paid, the grocery shopping done; and jeans and a t-shirt just make that work easier.
Perhaps I need to work on my perspective….
Oh dear.
So what’s the solution?
I think it comes with our day-to-day choices. I DO want to wear skirts and shirtwaists daily. That only comes when I focus on sewing those articles then being brave to wear them to the office.
It comes when I allow myself time to think. To rest. To ponder. To do nothing. To watch Marie Antoinette and eat cake. To read novels. When I say NO to those things that won’t lead me into the life I dream for myself.
It also means saying yes to good things and to cherish those around me.
So in being honest with myself, I am taking more time to rest. To look at my life and cut some things but also bump up the time I spend on others.
Lest you think I’m going away – heck no! Historical costuming is my passion and sharing it with those who love it too has been knit into my very being. I’m here for the long haul for as long as God allows.
Thanks for reading. Peace & love to you, my friends. <3
Jennifer
Oh, honey. My family used to say I was born 100 years too late (that would be 1856). Before the internet, I always felt a bit of an oddball. Now I know there are many who think and feel like me. And you are the top one. You are a font of information on how I can use current fabrics and techniques to truly FEEL Victorian. Unfortunately, I, too, have to work, and so have very limited time to indulge. Taking some baby steps, though. My husband and I were separated when I rented my place. It’s a two bedroom, and he slowly took over my sewing room as his den. Have you ever experienced life with no place of your own, to keep your “things”? I’m in the process of looking for a new house to buy – at least a three bedroom, hopefully a Victorian. Oh, can you imagine! I have what may be one of the few travel trailers in existence that has a Victorian theme (working on the wooden frou frou now), and that will keep me until my REAL house appears. I am with you, Sister, with a year old blog with no entries. But much guilt. In the meantime, cyberhugs and much love to you coming your way!!!!!!!!
I attended one of your workshops at Costume College this year and did not notice anything about you or your class that was “less than stellar”. I got a LOT out of the class. So if that was the burned out Jennifer, I can’t wait to meet the tanned, rested, and ready Jennifer!
Thanks Terry. I love teaching in a live setting so was on my game those times. I guess it was that I didn’t get to attend any classes where I learned new things to incorporate into my own sewing that was the “downer’ part of the event. I’m already in the planning stages of classes to teach in 2015. It’s my JOY to do it! 🙂
I so wish you could come to my home in the country and have a few days just goofing off, playing with horses, goats, chickens, napping with a warm kitty on your lap and breathing some clean air. Everyone of us has had some degree of burnout, just the wise ones realize it and take a break from all the “stuff”. We will be here when you get back up and in the meantime I know I will take some time to re-read your previous blogs (every time I do I discover something I missed before). Take care of you, that is the most important thing.
I honestly know exactly how you feel! I also live in that city with the worst air quality! I work a full time job that takes up 40 hrs a week and then I have grading and class prep to do ( I work at both local colleges as an English Professor). This weekend, despite the fact that next week is finals week, and I have a mountain of grading to do, I just decided that I would sew. It was lovely. Am I still trying to catch up before my afternoon class today? Absolutely, but sometimes you have to just let something go in order to do something else that, while maybe not the best choice monetarily, will help stabilize your mental health! If that means you have less of a presence on your website, I will be a bit sad to see less of you, but you need to do what is best for you! Me, I am going to go finish grading papers before class today, but I will go off to work knowing that I have a beautiful new dress to wear to Dickens Fair in a couple of weeks, and if my students ask, I was grading all weekend 🙂
Your website is wonderful and I admire you and your work! And we all get burnout– I have only really found joy in costuming this year because of being burnt out with a PhD, health problems and looking for work. If it creates energy then do it, but anything that drains you should take a back seat and you should rest without feeling guilty. Thank you for this confessional, it brings you closer to your fans 😉 and I hope you feel supported by the feedback here. Best of luck and warmest wishes.
Ah, the wonderful world of burnout! I know it well, and would never think the less of someone needing a bit of time off. Please, please take some much needed rest, and be good to yourself in whatever small ways work for you. Your physical and mental health are worth far more than all the tea gowns and blog posts in the world! We all live in the same mad world as you, and know how the madness takes its toll. So kick back, sip some chamomile or some cabernet, and take all the time you need to let the burnout pass. It will, so hang in there! We’ll be here, with much appreciation. 🙂
Simplify. No one will go away when you take a break. We will just make less noise to allow you to rest. Hugs.
Thank you for your honesty. It’s a sort of confessing to being normal, which I suspected all along. Have a good rest. X
Thank you for your courageous post about how you’re feeling with the burnout. I echo other’s sentiment. You’re human and not some costuming super hero, though I greatly admire your passion, talent, and work. And you’re so generous to share it with all of us to keep us going. Take a break if need be, we’ll still be here.
I appreciate your work and adore your personal flair. Do what you can to rest and rejuvenate, even if it’s only looking at another era, looking towards the future, or underwater basket weaving!!! Thank you for all you give.
Yay!! for completely useless tasks like underwater basket weaving! 🙂
[[[hugs]]]
I, for one, don’t EXPECT a new post from you every day! When you are able to post, it’s a treat. I appreciate your sharing your creativity. You are an inspiration. I LOVE seeing your amazing dresses. Nowhere is it written that you MUST post a new blog entry every so many days. Or post a new series of photos. Or write and post a new tutorial. I love being reminded to re-read previous posts when you re-post something. And I won’t be going away. So, take time for yourself. Running yourself into a puddle doesn’t do you any good. Burn-out is a message that you need to take a moment or two or three or whatever. So Refresh! and Rest! and Re-group! and Re-energize. Hugs. Positive Energies. And Loving Prayers. DoriG
Dear Jennifer,
Hugs and rest and peace to you. Your blog and FB presence I follow because you give out warmth and humanity and of yourself. So doing, you you’ve brightened many a dull or stressful day. Rest. Your faith will show you whatever way you’re meant to take forward. Rest, knowing that you’ve done good work that reaches well beyond clear teaching and inspiration.
Very best,
Natalie in KY
Dear Jennifer, what a blessing you are to me! Not because of how you help me with my sewing , but because of your beautiful servants heart. Lot’s of people have certain talents and abilities but choose to keep them to themselves. You have been blessed with many talents and have chosen to share your God given gifts with the rest of us in your “joyful community! How thankful I am. That being said, it is easy for a person who is a natural “giver” to become depleted and that seems to be where you are right now. The fact that you are reaching our and recognize that you are running on empty is a good thing. A few things to remember: and I can only speak for myself but I would guess the rest of us feel this way
1. None of us are “expecting” your blogs, posts, lessons. We are merely grateful when they do come. Period.
2. We would never want you to stress yourself out to get something done for us. Do things as you are inspired to do them. In that way, they will be the best ever. We will wait patiently.
3. Pace yourself. You have don A LOT in the past two years!
4. Allow yourself some Grace. 🙂 Seriously
5. Get in The Word
6. Sit in the Presence of God. Sometimes I just sit in my living room, on the floor. No music, all alone. Not praying, not asking for anything. Just sit with God.
Hugs and prayers,
Karen
Your note means a lot to me Karen. Thank you.
I so enjoyed taking your on-line bustle dress class. But I have often wondered how you were being the superwoman that you seemed to be. I am glad you have realized that you could not keep up at that pace! I go through periods when I sew like crazy and then I may not sew for 6 months afterwards.
Thanks for your honesty in your post today and thanks for staying committed to sharing your passion with us! It’s disappointing when someone decides not to blog anymore period when you love their blog so much. (Although I totally understand that people do have to make that hard decision as well.) I know I haven’t done that much blogging the past 8 months as I’ve been focusing on a pregnancy. But I don’t want to quit I just need a little break. Thanks for sticking with it and for writing this past. Very encouraging! We won’t mind if you need to take breaks just keep sharing when you have time! I love your work and best wishes to you.
You are an inspiration to so many people! Thank you for your heartfelt confession of what we all go through sometimes — although you’ve got it worse with a desk job and an online job, which is almost more time consuming. Even though I don’t know you, I wish I could give you little bits of encouragement like you give to us. Just know that as you take time to truly relax there are people praying for you!
Brava in recognizing what you need to refill that cup! You do amazing things, and it’s so vital to keep yourself away from that burn-out point. Here’s to refilling and enjoying life!
Heavens to Betsy, woman!! I’d be sobbing into my keyboard if I were trying to carry that load of yours! Take a break and be kind to you and come back when you’re refreshed and ready….and not a moment sooner. Your followers will still be here. Cyber hugs as needed!
I think we sometimes forget that people we look up to are human too. We get lost admiring how awesome they are.
But you are human and this post makes you even more awesome in my book. Everyone gets burnt out. And those burn out only last longer if you never find that spark or motivation that makes you want to create. So please take that break, be inspired, we’ll wait. 😉
You really do have a gift! You have always been a source of inspiration to me, as a godly woman, a source of costuming eye candy, a wealth of knowledge, or just a happy pick me up.
I really hope you get the recharge you need so that continues to be a joy to you and not a chore.
Thanks Amy! I have SO many class ideas and tutorials to share that I can’t stop now. Just reorganizing my life so I can present them well while maintaining my sanity (or insanity of costuming 😉 ).
Thank you dor bring honest and real! I recognize many of your struggles. I have had a burn-out myself and the only advice I can give you is take your time, make time to rest, relieve yourself from pressure. As much as you can and I know it’s hard.
I also want to thank you for inspiring me again and again. Take care!
I hear you, and I’ve been there. I’ve loved following your blog and your adventures in Victoriana, and the research your share is so helpful, and your outfits are so inspiring–and I hope you are able to keep on finding the energy and time to post. But if the idea of posting is more stressful than not posting, if the idea of sewing is more stressful than not sewing, then it’s time for a break, even if it’s just a day or a week. There are so many demands in life, and it’s easy for our hobbies to become just one more demand. I’ve definitely felt that; I want to make EVERYTHING. NOW. And blog about it. But it’s not possible, and no amount of “if I just did this or that” will make it possible to do everything I want to do all at once. My blog has been neglected for well over a year because it’s all I can do to just sew and wear my pretty things. None of us, as far as I’m aware, has possession of a magic wand. Oh, if only we did!
So thank you for all the information and costuming fun you share. It is so appreciated. But I’m sure there are many many out there who understand where you’re coming from. It’s important to let your well regenerate itself. We greatly underestimate the importance of rest, relaxation, and “doing nothing” in this country. Creativity can’t happen within a void.
Jennifer, I think it’s high time I express my appreciation for everything you do for the costuming community. You make things seem simple and achievable, you cheer us up and inspire us everyday through your lovely Facebook and Instagram and blog posts. No wonder you’re tired, if you give us so much of your time and energy. So thank you for that, and thank you for your honest post – hopefully things will get better. Stay strong!
-hug- I think we all go through burnout periods sometimes. For me this year, I realized that I needed not a break from work or sewing, but a break from the pressure that I have to sew all the time. I had to realize that it’s totally ok for me not to touch my machine for a while and it’s ok for me to choose to do something other than sewing with my little free time. As much as I love sewing, it’s not always the most relaxing activity and when life gets busy, the one thing you need is relaxation and decompression time.
Stephanie, you said that so well. Yes! My life, your life: they’re not all about sewing despite that we love it so much. And I agree that sewing can be frustrating sometimes and not the relaxing activity we’d like it to be.
Having been burnt out – REST! Say no to things for a while. It does get better eventually.