Maybe you’ve been there – a new costumer at your first dress-up event. You are so enthusiastic you didn’t even sleep much last night. (Either because you were too excited or you were finishing your costume… just like the rest of us.)
But then you experience the horrible occurrence of someone telling you – to your face – that your costume is all wrong. It’s completely the wrong fabric (or color) or that “they” would never have worn such a thing “back then.”
How would you deal with such a thing?
A kick that like will ruin anyone’s event experience. I sure hope it hasn’t happened to you.
But it *does* happen. A lot more than we’d all like. And not all to people’s faces. Sometimes it happens in small groups of those who have been in the hobby longer, or been sewing longer, or simply been researching longer. Chatter and gossip about someone else’s apparel.
Perhaps you’re like me, a recovering Costume N*zi. I’m horrified that at one time I would discuss others’ outfits as if I knew all the answers. Because I don’t. No one does.
The knowledge of my actions came to me just a few years ago when a friend pointed out that I had said something to her at HER first Victorian event years before when I commented on her purchased bustle dress. I liked the dress but apparently my comment/question came out scathing rather than complimentary. She told me it almost made her not continue in historical costuming.
Ouch.
Or rather… oops. I was caught in my unknown, know-it-all actions.
She and I discussed what went on and how we’ve changed. She is a brilliant costumer that can pull things together that I couldn’t even dream of. I admire her skill. But I also remember that my careless comment could have halted her natural talent.
What a weight to bear…. And then to forgive.
Be careful in how you analyze costumes made & worn by others. Your thoughts & words speak volumes in how you treat them. Don’t judge or belittle.
Try to find ONE good thing about their ensemble and TELL THEM. It may just be all they hear that’s good that day. It may be the particular word they need to keep pursuing this wonderful hobby.
Remember that everyone – you, me, your newbie costuming friend, the guy you met at the Steampunk convention, the darling of the Civil War ball – we are all on varied paths in our pursuit of historical costuming. It’s not about the destination but the journey.
My goal of making something beautiful to match my eyes may not be yours that is to hand sew every stitch. That’s ok! We shouldn’t have the same path marked out. Variety allows us to learn from each other and pass the torch to the next generation.
That’s what it’s all about. Keep it going.
So be kind. You wouldn’t want the same critical words you think or speak directed back to yourself. Speak uplifting encouragement whenever in costume. Those newbies – they know something you don’t. Their knowledge could rock your world.
Cheers my friends!
xo ~ Jennifer
Thank you for posting this. I too have had people “explain” how wrong my fabric choices were/are. It kept me away for nearly 12 years. Then I took a fashion design class and the encouragement I received there helped me back into costuming where I am the happiest in life. It is now my pursuit in grad school.
My husband really wanted to participate in a civil war event. I made him as close to accurate outfit I could. However, several hospital stays for me meant my 2 outfits (day and evening) were machine sewed out of modern fabrics and one had a ZIPPER!
For me the day was about my hubby enjoying himself but it turned into a bunch of mean girls consently ‘informing’ me about my clothing.
Sigh… I’m so sorry.
Even with the worst, farbiest outfit, you can usually compliment the color (“How pretty that looks with your coloring!”), or the fabric (“I love that plaid!”), or the trim, or the jewelry she’s wearing with it. That’s usually received a as well as actually complimenting the outfit and makes the wearer smile.
This article was just what I needed to see! I’ve been to several balls with friends of mine, and we have been learning as we go. We love the formality of the dancing, and seeing the wonderful gowns everyone has. As we have moved on and learned more, I’m only beginning to realize how little I know. I’m currently making a Civil War era daydress, and choice a material that I liked that seemed period appropriate after looking as several historical sites, and is actually 100% cotton, which was not easy to locate for a reasonable price. But I stand in fear of going to the event and having someone, or several someones, point out all the flaws in what I have made. I’m not a re-enactor, I just don’t want to stand out when I am with a group of them. This article has helped me re-focus, the point is loving what I’m doing and being proud of what I make, even if it might not meet all technical criteria.
I hang on the edges of various historically-based sewing groups, including a “retro” FB sewing group. Fortunately, I have not seen any nasty comments, in spite of the fact that an outfit will occasionally look quasi-ghastly. The saving grace is that we all recognize that (1) we are at different levels of expertise and (2) we all have different tastes. I always find it heartening that, when someone proudly pops up with a dress that looks pretty awful (at least in my eyes), invariably there are a few people who like it. So what if it’s not perfect or kind of weird, in terms of the period? If the person is happy with the product, let them be proud. They may eventually learn better skills or come around to a more authentic historical vision (and often suffer great embarrasment for their early follies), but in the meantime, why discourage them?
I have been a volunteer costumer for a Spanish Colonial Mission ,1700, for about 20 years. I make whatever I want, pay for the fabric, hand sew it all, and give it away. Not a big $$ maker, you will agree. Therefore: If the old lady who sews thinks your outfit is the worst looking one on the site, that is good news for you. She will make you an entire outfit, and make you into the star of the event. All linen, sometimes wool, or silk. I get linen from estate sales, and linen clothes from the Goodwill outlet – where they are $1.75 a pound. I pick them apart to use to make my living history outfits. Rit dye is my lifesaver. My point is, if you really run into someone who looks totally WRONG, for Gods Sake, FIX IT. Never criticize something you are not prepared to replace, at your own expense – both materials and labor. We have some fine looking people, and some who really need to be captured and redressed.
I do renaissance as well as fantasy clothing and I always let my guild mistress or team leader know that my clothing is never quite period or movie correct. This tendancy of doing it not quite and letting others know ahead of time has kept me out of much trouble at events…. though occasionally someone else will complain to my guild mistress or team leader that I am not doing it right I never get in trouble for not using the correct fabric or pattern or trim on my clothes.
My first “Renaissance” costume was hot pink nylon taffeta and white polyester knit lace…. Now I’m doing hand-stitched Saxon. One of the nicest comments I ever heard about a genuinely appalling gown was “My dear, the fit is so exquisite that you _must_ TAKE THIS GOWN APART AND USE IT FOR A PATTERN!” And she was right; the fit was perfect, and by giving that advice she made sure the gooseturd-green burlap never again saw the light of day.
For the commentor from California: Wool gauze. I’ve never owned a more comfortable summer blouse than my two wool gauze ones.
The expert in anything was once a beginner. Is one of my favorite quotes.. One that I remember all the time whilst im learning xx
I gave up the Ren scene because of the trash talking. I’ve moved into the steampunk arena because, hey, it’s fantasy. And because it’s hot in Houston, I’ve been known to go out in my Victorian or Rococo underpinnings. And rocked it. As far as other folks, my bar is: did they make an effort? In other words, unless it came out of a plastic bag with the word “sexy” (nurse/nun/teacher/etc.), then that person deserves a pat on the back for trying.
Jennifer, you could have just left that sentence as speak uplifting encouragement whenever…
Always try to brighten the lives of others. I remember before I got very involved in costume circles, I had a friend , who did court at Ren Faire. She never could relax and enjoy a film or production, because she was always criticizing the costumes. In the spirit of learning, I have quietly asked a more knowledgeable costumer, if something someone is wearing would be correct for the period. I suppose that could be construed as small group gossiping. I have always been grateful for the warm welcome and lots of help given to me, when I joined the CGW.
You know, it’s funny – because the idea of finding one good thing to say about someone’s costume efforts? That’s exactly what I used to do (and to some extent, still do) with both of my children. Scribbly crayon drawing? Oh, look at all the colors you have there! It makes me smile! Pasta glued to a toilet paper tube for a pencil holder? I can tell you worked so hard on this. My pencils will have a very special place! So, floral fabric not-quite-right? Your stitching is just amazing -what a lovely fit! Clearly not wearing correct stays or corset? Hey, I have some great patterns/tips/links for you if you’d like (and here’s my email in case you have questions…) It’s an amazing hobby (a better word would be obsession) and helping is better than hurting. After all, the more people looking for appropriate textiles may mean more retailers getting the message!
“Helping is better than hurting”. . .simple but so profound. Something for us all to remember. When I first started 11 years ago I was almost paralyzed from fear of doing “the wrong thing.” But. . .you learn. And you forge ahead. You can do this!
I know personally that I always feel that I am wearing the ‘wrong’ clothes for events. But this is natural for me to feel at first since I suffer from extreme anxiety, after awhile I get over it and prance around because I like it and feel pretty. Something like this happened to me once though and I went home early in tears vowing to never go back, and I didn’t or at least not for a long time. The friends I had made understood and have spent a lot of time trying to get me to come back, I finally am but what that women said to me has stayed with me and probably will stay with me for many years to come. I actually find it difficult to sew simply because all i can do is second guess myself and i’ve stopped enjoying myself. So if people said one kind thing or thought about how they said something and it stops someone else from going through what i went through that would be great.
Did that even make any sense? sometimes I ramble…
Oh, Sarah. I’m so sorry others have not encouraged you in the past. Sounds like you’re doing well though and moving forward. Keep doing what YOU love. It doesn’t matter what others think. Onward. 🙂
You can always catch more flies (why you would want to, I don’t know :0) but….) with sugar than vinegar. When a lady who wanted to tell me everything that was wrong with my dress I asked her if she would help me and did she have some extra fabric that would be better. She got very embarrassed and said I have to buy mine, I don’t know how to sew.
Well all start at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to costume knowledge, regardless of the period we play in. Much of what I play in is normally Ren Faire and if I were to do it HA I should be in wool…but I live in California and I give no one any grief in that time period or any other for wearing cloth that keeps us from heat stroking. 🙂 I do try my best to look at least close or nice on the outside and I do try to wear all the under layers I’m supposed to. But I live to wear all my under garments in fabrics and patterns that are fun. When you get asked by all the people about “what DO you wear under there?” at least the fabric throws them off for asking. 🙂 I can’t afford silk taffeta, I can’t possibly afford to buy from someone who can sew. So I will proudly wear my novice gear and tell everyone with a hint of pride “I did this and I am happy with it.” Remember that and you can go far in costuming!
How true! I’m fairly novice in costuming (and by fairly I mean A LOT – I make things from ‘Costume’ patterns I’ve bought). Largely it doesn’t bother me whether or not my fabric choices are correct because my cosplay is Steampunk and Fantasy. I’m not aspiring to recreate any specific era. I think period costumers have set themselves a lofty challenge. Steampunk and Fantasy cosplay is much ‘easier’ because largely ‘anything goes’. They are ‘made up’ worlds so whatever you do ‘fits’ because you invent your own ‘backstory’ (like RP-ing). I have some lovely Steampunk patterns for bustley things and swag aprons and tail coats and I intend to mash them all together to create my own unique look so the whole ‘you wouldn’t wear that coat with that skirt combination in XXXX year’ doesn’t apply.
To me it’s about the process. Each item I make improves my skill and teaches me new techniques and at the end of it I’m always proud of my work and there will always be people who look down on your costume because your steampunked nerf gun isn’t quite as well ‘aged’ as it could be or your fantasy costume isn’t as elaborately embroidered as the costumes worn by characters in the seminal works on which you’re basing your role play. But similarly there will be people who look at your costume from a less experienced position and wish they had the skill to make something instead of having to buy things and ‘bodge’ something together fancy-dress style.
My Brother in Law is an award winning model painter and when he enters competitions he almost invariably walks away with the prize because the quality of his work is incredible. He’s very humble about it though and recently he didn’t enter a big competition he usually does because the negativity he gets from other competitors put him off. They were making comments in forums about ‘Oh, Brother-in-law is entering. He’ll walk off with all the prizes again. No point in entering myself’. So criticism can go both ways. Novice or less experienced cosplayers can be just as brutal as the costume snobs. I was talking to Brother in Law about it and he said that he’s good because he does it a lot and has been doing it for a long time. The more you work on something the better at it you get. I didn’t start my cosplay life with the skills I have now – my first gown is terrible – unlined, badly finished and fraying seams, bodged darts. But the more I make the better at it I get. Novices need to learn this. You can’t expect to ‘suddenly’ be good overnight and just as experienced costume makers shouldn’t sneer at early efforts, novices should understand that being good at something takes work.
Great comment Lex! I like your example from the other point of view.
Great comment!!! I try to use my sense of humor when someone makes unflattering comments. One time somene told me my side seams and gores were crooked. I just looked at them and put my leg up on a side of hill and asked “Are they crooked now?” I am naughty. 😀
I agree completely! I’ve started to sew seriously not very long ago and I’ve been learning mainly from my own mistakes, since most of the people who sew around me are LARPers and don’t put a lot of emphasis on learning the skill (if you don’t open the coat you can make it without the lining, right? ;p ). I get lots of compliments but mostly I only see the flaws in my work, so the wrong word will put me off an outfit completely. The best thing though is that I can actually see myself emproving with every garment I make. What I’m trying to say is, don’t let the critics stop your emprovement and keep making fabulous things!
I think if someone told me I was using the wrong fabric etc. I’d just say “I intended it to be like that…if you don’t like it you can make it for me and pay for all the materials yourself.”
But then I usually knowingly do things incorrectly because I have a limited budget and I’m not a experimental archeologist so it doesn’t matter. lol!